I am lying on the bed, I want to get off, I want to go over there. But she doesn’t let me. ‘Just stay there will you, don’t move, I have to change you’.
Everything I want to do, she stops me. But it’s my life – why can’t I do in it what I want to do? Why do I always have to do only what she wants me to do? It’s so frustrating and I feel so angry. But my anger doesn’t do anything for me, it only makes her yell at me more – control me more.
So I learn that being angry does nothing for me, only making me feel worse. And it’s far better if I go the other way, so I copy and adopt their falseness. I pretend, like they do, that I am a nice person, that I am kind and caring – even loving. And I develop my false face, my false smile, and I lose myself to the fraud that I am.
And I will go out into the world with my mask on, pretending like everyone else. And I will say ‘have nice day’ as if I care, knowing all a long I don’t care – not one little bit, just as they didn’t care one little bit for me.
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