What Jesus didn’t say…

Or perhaps he did, but we didn’t record it because it was just too close to the bone, was that the real evil monster is our parents.

Sure on a spiritual and personality level, the Rebellion and Default against all that was good, true and perfect – ourselves – was brought about and then inflicted on us by higher unseen spirits, however that was long ago. And as Jesus said, he came to stop such spirits evil influence over us, which he did.

So then for two thousand years we’ve persisted in fantasising about some strange malevolent influence that’s seeking our souls destruction, but it’s all fantasy. What truly has happened is we’ve taken on this negative spiritual influence and made it what we call normal life. And how we live in our rebellious feeling-denial state brought about by what caused our childhood repression is the end result. And how we pass it onto our children is by default. And generation after generation we live on believing we are parenting our children lovingly, when in fact all we are doing is subjecting and indoctrinating them to the same negative evil self-denying condition we were subjected to. And we call this normal life. We fail to see that it’s abnormal because we don’t have anything to put it up against. So we just try to get on and ‘make the most of it’.

So we’ve built up huge religions all in the name of perpetuating the evil. The religions and all involved within it are Satan’s good little helpers without even knowing it. We are all Satan’s good little helpers without even knowing it.

And these so-called great religions, great because they are doing such a terrific job at maintaining the control of evil, of the negative, over us and within us, do all these wonderful things for their faithful followers. They help them to keep living in a feeling- and self-deluded way. All under the guise of ’saving ones soul’, when the truth of how to really save your soul is to face the truth of what your parents did to you, how they treated you to bring about your childhood repression.

And you can only do this by stopping the denial of all those bad feelings you don’t want to feel. Which really means by giving up, giving in, allowing the dreaded ‘devil’ – your parents – to get you. (Which is after all what has already happened.) That is to allow yourself to feel all they have made you feel, to speak about it all and to uncover the truth within you as to why they did it and how it’s affected you. To heal your negative condition.

We spend zillions of dollars on trying to feel better

It’s mad really. All we do is done to keep us away from our bad feelings. That is the extent of our so-called ‘civilised progress’.

It’s said we live on an insane world, and it’s true. If we weren’t mad with our pain, suffering and bad feelings, we’ve have no need to do all that we do.

Look at your own life. The sad truth is: all you are doing in it is to escape from your bad feelings. And can you say it’s not? Can you say you do all you do to welcome and accept your bad feelings?

And who wants to feel bad – no one. No one in their right mind would want to feel bad, and yet we all feel bad, even if we are so far gone we won’t allow ourselves to acknowledge it.

But we all feel bad, somewhere inside us, we all do. And we really do, it’s true, as shown by our childhood repression. Childhood repressed feelings make us feel bad. Our childhood repression is bad. It’s not a nice loving thing, however it of itself is neither good or bad, the bad being what was done to us to bring it about within us.

Currently on the material level of dollars, the economy is dying. We’re having to keep up the fantasy for all it’s worth. We can’t just allow it to keel over and be what it is – nothing. We’ve made it all up, it’s all unreal. So many people live beyond their means believing they can be happy living with debt, believing they can escape from the pain of their bad feelings by having things they can’t afford.

We by a house with money we don’t have, but we hope we’ll have in future. It’s always the future, life will always be better in future, but why will it – why should it? We’ve only been led to believe this because when we were little we looked to the future to feel better. Our current ‘now’ moment with our parents made us feel bad, so it was always the future that was going to be better. And often it was our parents who said so.

So in no way we can just accept and live with the amount of real physical dollars we have, living within our means, because for most of us that would mean we wouldn’t have anything. And we can’t bear this thought. Because to have nothing means you don’t feel loved – or so we’ve been wrongly made to believe. You didn’t have anything with your parents making you feel unloved bring about your childhood repression, so now you must have material things to fill up this cavernous hole of despair – of feeling so alone, unwanted, unloved and uncared about.

But one day the house of cards will come crashing down. And this as we are seeing might be the beginning of that day. And if it does and the economy goes to shit, then what happens, how will we all survive?

And what will happen, something we can all count on – is PAIN. Yet what is this pain? And as much as it might be the pain of all the fear suddenly assailing you, really it is the pain, the buried pain, surfacing from your early childhood. It is the pain of feeling so unloved by your parents being manifest all about you by your failing life. The pain you’ve been refusing to face. The pain your greed and desperation by living in debt, living without anything real, living a false and fantasy life, is forcing you to feel. The very same pain of living a false and fantasy life of ‘love’ with your parents.

And is there an escape – a real way out? And what happens if once the flimsy house has completely come done with no hope of re-building, not for a very long time, then what?

There are two things you can do. One: struggle on the best you can, as mostly you have done over previous cyclic downturns, steadfastly trying to deny all your bad feelings – just as you have always done; and the other, is to go the other way, stop and begin to face the truth: that you feel bad. To accept, express and uncover the truth of all your bad feelings. To begin to acknowledge and accept your pain. To heal yourself of your self-defeating bad-feeling-denying life – to heal your childhood repression.

Parenting techniques

I am not a parent. So many people would no doubt say that I have therefore no authority to comment on parenting, as it’s all very different when you have your own child. But I don’t care about that.

At times my parents tried to use various techniques on me, some gave them more power over me, some less. They all helped to fuck me up more.

As I read the latest techniques going around I know it will be the same for those parents using them, some will feel the techniques are helping them with their children, some not, and all will be helping to further fuck up their children.

What I do want to point out is that if any sort of technique or controlling discipline is required, then the parent has already gone way too far over the line. Their child is already way too fucked up. And the parents are way too fucked up from their early childhood being in a position to even consider using such things.

The whole idea of ‘good parenting’, using endless tips and tools, endless suggestions, endless ways to try and get what you want being the parent, only reflects all I am talking about in my posts: that we don’t love our children truly, that we only parent for control and power using our children to gain it, and all because we were made to feel so powerless by our parents. It all simply reflects the negative condition we’ve all had imposed, one way or another, on us.

Perfect loving parents will have no need to use a technique. They will simply parent with their feelings. And as their feelings will be a result of their living true, then they will always do perfectly what is needed ensuring their child will only ever feel fully loved by them.

To approach parenting from the point of view of having to work out the best or better ways of doing it with your mind is doing exactly what you’re parents have forced you to do – go against your feelings using your mind to control and dominate yourself and others. And this can only be self-rejecting, unfeeling and unloving, that which you are imposing on your child.

What I want to try and show is that the problem is much larger than trying to impose a couple of good helpful parenting techniques on your child all so you can get on and achieve all you believe is good in your life, all so you can have a more ‘loving’ and ‘harmonious’ relationship with your child. However, if this is what you want, then why not. But it’s not better parenting, it will still be fucking up your child, only in a different way. It will still be only adding to the damage already done, even if it seems like on the surface things are going along a lot smoother.

I want to point out that parenting as we know it is wrong, meaning it has an adverse and unloving affect upon the child. How we do ANY of it is wrong. And it’s all wrong because we’re doing it within self-denying negative states of being. And it’s this negative condition that we have to heal, and until we do, we’ll only be forever going around in circles, forever coming up with yet more ‘better’ ways to parent.

You’ve got to be a parent!

Why?

You’ve got to have kids.

Why?

Your life will feel incomplete if you don’t have kids.

Why?

You don’t know what you’re missing out on.

Really?

Everyone has children, it’s what you do.

Apparently.

It’s the great love, the love you get from your children and the love you give to them – that’s what it’s all about.

Is it?

But if you don’t have children you won’t feel fulfilled, you won’t have any purpose in life.

Oh well.

You can’t not have children – everyone does it.

So it would seem.

And if you don’t have children everything would end.

Great!

There’s something wrong with you if you don’t have children.

Hmm.

Why aren’t you having children!?

Because I want no part of the fantasy, that called – BEING A LOVING PARENT.

When you leave your therapist, then the real work begins

When you leave your therapist and start working to find the truth of your childhood repression through your own daily bad feelings – then the real work begins.

You can only do so much with professional help. You can achieve a lot, but it will pale in comparison to what you’ll achieve when you finally start to go it alone.

You might even feel and believe you have fully healed yourself all thanks to the help from your therapist, but in that you’ll sadly be wrong. You will never completely heal yourself of ALL your childhood repression until you start to uncover the truth of it through all the bad feelings you are still denying.

Being with your therapist can certainly open up many hidden doors within you, and can expose and bring to light much pain and truth; and it may even enable you to feel good enough about yourself and your life to carry on pounding the treadmill, however it will be nothing like the doors that will open when you want to start looking into the truth of all you feel just in your daily life with your partner and friend.

You see, your whole childhood repression is all about you feeling powerless – your parents having treated you in such ways as to make you feel bad about yourself and your life. And the simple act of you going to your therapist, needing their help, confirms and is an expression of this. You are still needing the authority person to help tell you how to be and what to feel in life. Your therapist might not intrude on your self-expression when you are with them, they may be a good friend and helping witness, but still you are in the subservient position, still you are coming under their power and dominance. And the simple fact that they even want to be a therapist means they are using you, their client, to gain some of the power they feel they don’t have. So do you see, it’s not a balanced relationship you are having with then, and it never can be. And it’s still just the same as it was with your parents. You were not an equal person with then, nor are you an equal person with your therapist. But when you step away and face doing your childhood repression healing, as in through your feeling- or soul-healing, with no one other than your partner or equal friend to listen to your bad feeling expression, then you will no longer be in the lesser position, then you will no longer need to have the overshadowing of authority in your life. And then it’s all up to you – you have to find the truth of yourself within yourself all by yourself. And this can be very scary.

Many therapists themselves fear this. They say you can’t do your childhood repression feeling without them, without their support and wise guidance. But this is still just more of the same you got from your parents, them telling you the same things. All so you don’t leave them, all so you remain forever dependant on them, all so you are never free to fall down the holes in life for yourself if that is what is meant to happen.

And so whilst you’re under your therapists ‘wing’ you will limit your self- and feeling expression. You will never feel equal, and indeed be equal, free to slog it out with your partner and friend. Free to uncover the truth of your bad feelings all through the ongoing daily grind of everyday life. And this is what we all need to do, as it was during our early life grinding along with our parents that our childhood repression came about.

You can do all of your childhood repression healing without a therapist if that is what you feel you want to do. However, if this is too much and you need such professional help, then this is what you must do – you ALWAYS do what you feel you want to do. And once you are free enough to finally leave your therapist, then the real work can begin. Then you will be stepping out being your own therapist. Then you’ll be moving away from the control of your parents looking to freely control yourself.

Love?

As I have said, I grew up believing I was loved by my parents. And I believed I loved them. And with my brother and sister we all lived in a relatively happy family. Yet my childhood repression has shown me otherwise. It has shown me through my buried early feeling-memories from my early childhood that this wasn’t the case, that there wasn’t any real or true love, it was all a fabricated ‘love’ based mostly on words and a desperate need to believe it was love.

On this blog and in my other writings on my Childhood Repression web site, I want to bring into question – love: is it real and true that which we call and even feel to be love? I want to aim for the bottom line, that being that it’s not love – that nothing we say or call love is real or true love. That it is all just something we’ve made up in and with our minds. And that it can’t be real, pure and true love because we are not living real, pure and true lives. We are not perfect, being imperfect as seen by the fact that we all have repressed early childhood feelings buried deep within us, all of which effectively taint that which we call love.

Generally, if I were make a gross generalised statement, I would say that if one feels wanted, accepted and involved within in one parents lives whilst growing up, then one will feel loved and so love them. And one will feel reasonably secure, confident and self-assured. And if one doesn’t feel wanted, accepted or involved, then one grows up feeling insecure, unconfident and scared of most things. And so if life works for you, as another gross generalisation, it will be because you had a good and loving relationship with your parents during your forming years, and if it doesn’t work, then you didn’t.

And what I want to highlight is the fact that this so-called love may not be what it is. I want to question it, to put the spotlight on it, and I want to know if it is genuinely real and true or if it is not.

And it will take people doing their childhood repression healing, completely healing their negative self-denying state of mind and will, to uncover the truth within themselves as to whether all they feel and believe to be love is love. For if it is true, real and pure then it will hold up through the healing scrutiny of suppressed bad feelings surfacing as they are allowed to. And if it doesn’t hold up, it will prove to be false and untrue.

I firmly believe we all live self-created fantasies, some people more happy about what they achieve than others. And all ‘love’ within them is false. Certainly within our feeling-denying negative states we can feel good and bad, perhaps even ‘loved’, but it’s still all within the negative, so ultimately none of it is real and true.

And I believe that until we accept this, and want to scrutinised all that we call love, we’ll never feel truly happy, and life will go on as it has with countless numbers of us wondering why we’re not happy and don’t feel loved. With the answer being what we dare not face – that we’re NOT loved and AREN’T happy, because we NEVER were.

Strapped in

He’s strapped into the car seat.

He’s strapped into the pusher.

He’s pushed around.

He’s left strapped in his pusher in various places whilst they do what they want to do.

Some of the day passes and he’s still strapped in his pusher.

He eats and sleeps strapped in his pusher.

For a short moment or two he’s removed from his pusher whilst his nappy is changed.

Then he’s put straight back into his pusher.

He’s left again strapped in his pusher as they carry on doing more things.

More of the day passes as he remains strapped in his pusher.

He eats more, sleeps more, cries more – still strapped in his pusher.

Then he’s taken out of his pusher and strapped back into the car seat.

Finally he’s at home, the straps come off, and he’s allowed to be free… but only for a little while.

The little babies and toddlers that come to the Fishing Park stay strapped in their pushers (or strollers) for hours at a time.

During our most crucial forming time in life, a time when we need continual affection and hands on attention and care, we’re left alone, denied it, stuck in our prams, pushers and strollers. And we grow up being told we are loved, loved by our all-caring parents. We learn that rejection, abandonment, frustration, anger and boredom is feeling loved. The straps never being entirely removed.

And so it goes on.

The next day we then strap our child back into the car seat…

But what if your partner doesn’t want to be your true friend?

What if you want to do your childhood repression healing, by speaking about all your bad feelings so you can uncover the truth of them, but your partner doesn’t want to listen to all your yuk? What do you do? What can you do?

What do you do when you feel really bad and they are not there for you? Not there for you to tell them how bad you feel? What do you do when they say, yes tell me, but no sooner than you’ve started and they are trying to stop you speaking about your bad feelings, trying to shut you up, or tell you that there is something wrong with you for feeling that way?

What do you do when you agreed to listen to each other, but he or she doesn’t speak about his or her bad feelings whereas it’s all you want to do?

It’s terrible having to be faced with the reality that you are not friends, not truly there for each other, not willing to listen to each others bad feelings. It’s not good having to face the fact that if your partner doesn’t want to listen to you, and share his or her bad feelings, then what are you doing together? And what if this realisation starts to come and you have little children, a mortgage on the house and grandparents that would be heartbroken if suddenly they couldn’t see the children?

What do you do as the hopelessness of your relationship dawns on you? The honeymoon period definitely a long all but forgotten memory, the day to day drudge almost to much to bear.

And all you can do is speak – talk about all your bad feelings. All your worries, fears, anger, doubts, concerns, problems, talk about all the bad stuff.

Talk about it all with your partner (the best you can), with other friends, a therapist, with God, but talk about it all wanting to uncover the truth of why you are in this situation, why is it happening to you. And how does it all relate to your early childhood and your relationship with your parents and carers. You don’t have to immediately leave your partner, as you can use the opportunity to uncover the truth of why you are feeling all you are feeling – what is it all about. Your relationship is making you feel bad, so there you have a good source of continual bad feelings to speak about and express and to long for the truth of.

And if your partner does want to listen to you, but can’t because of all the blocks in them from their early childhood, then this is where they can start by speaking about all their bad feelings – about not being able to do it but wanting to. They have to understand the value and reason for speaking about how bad they feel – all their worries, fears, doubts, anger, frustration, and even if it’s bad things about each other, it all has to come up and out.

And speaking about all you feel can only have a good effect on your relationship. It will either show you that there is some hope bringing you both closer, or it will show you there isn’t any, and as hard as it might be, separation must occur. But to not speak about it, you’ll never know, with it all going around and around, pent up inside you, slowly driving you mad and making you sick. With it all having desire adverse unloving affects upon your children if you have them.

Paying the Price

If you cross the line you pay the price, and the price will be pain and will be paid in full. The Golden Rule is to never make or force another person or creature go against it’s own will; to make or force them to do what they don’t want to do – to go against and be untrue to themselves. And if you do, even if it’s in a ‘well-meaning’, ‘caring’, ‘loving’ way you are still causing them to hurt themselves by going against themselves and living untrue to their own self-expression. And if you hurt them it means you are already hurting yourself, as you can only do to another what you are doing to yourself. And if you are unaware you are hurting yourself, so too will you be unaware you are hurting them. And in hurting them you will have to suffer the same amount of pain you are making them suffer, bringing upon yourself yet more suffering and pain.

And this is how we parent, it’s how we conduct all our relationships.

We think nothing of yelling at our child forcing it to do what we want it to do, all the while being completely unaware of the damage, hurt and pain we are inflicting on it, or of which we are suffering making us treat another person in this unloving way.

We think nothing of yelling at our dog making it obey us; we think nothing of keeping the bird cooped up in a cage; fish in a tank, and we think nothing of allowing our cat to roam far and wide killing everything that takes its fancy.

And we think nothing of keeping all our farm animals to just make money out of them: to keep the cows in field without shelter, a single horse in a paddock without company, a pig enclosed living on concrete, a chicken…

And we don’t understand that we can do these things to other people and creatures, denying them their true self-expression, because we are already doing such things to ourselves, because that is what was done to us. We don’t understand we were treated this way as children and so we believe and feel it’s right to treat others in the same way.

We don’t understand that we can only do to another what was done to us. And if we were made to suffer and then made to feel that this was okay, it being how life is meant to be, then we naturally won’t see or feel anything wrong by making another suffer and be like ourselves.

We don’t feel our pain and hurt because we weren’t allowed to. We were forced to deny it. Our parents broke the Golden Rule making us believe they loved us when they made us feel so bad.

And we don’t understand, feel or truly appreciate that when we do a bad thing to someone else we too are going to suffer for it. Sure if we murder or rape or use another for our own ends guilt will catch up with us sometime, but we still fail to understand that it’s in all those seemingly ‘acceptable’ little daily things we do to ourselves, other creatures and other people – even to those we love – that are wrong and will one day cause us to feel the pain of the wrongdoing.

And we don’t understand because mostly we are too shut off to our bad feelings. If we weren’t and we crossed the line, immediately we would have hurt another in any way – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, psychically – we’d feel bad, we’d feel the same amount of pain we’d inflicted on them. And so naturally wouldn’t want to keep behaving as we are.

And we still fail to understand that there are natural laws in place governing Creation. That in fact we don’t have to make up any laws ourselves. And that if we were all living true to ourselves as soon as we did something bad to another person or creature we’d know we’d hurt and disrespected them because we too would feel bad, as if the bad thing had been done to us. So life would naturally educate us through our feelings as to what was right and wrong and how to conduct relationships in a loving way.

Life would be so much simpler and we wouldn’t need all our manmade laws, all which are necessary only because and to show us just how removed from our true selves we have become. The more laws we need the further away from our true nature we are getting. And the more untrue we are living, the more shut off from our true feelings we are and so the more pain we inflict on ourselves and on others .

Having masses of laws is not a statement of a civilised society, it’s a statement of in what a bad way we are – how unloving of ourselves and each we are and accept as being ‘right’.

We are only cruel to others and nature because we are cruel to ourselves. And we are only cruel to ourselves because our parents were cruel to us. And our parents were only cruel to us because their parents were cruel to them. And their parents were cruel to them only because their parents were cruel to them. And their parents were cruel…

30 minutes of what – love or hatred… or something in between?

There’s four in the family. Mum, dad and two boys – one three the other a toddler. They’ve come to fish in the enclosed fishing park. Dad and mum delight in the thrill of easily catching the rainbow trout whilst the toddler remains strapped in his pusher and the three year old plays in the enclosed sand pit. Mum and dad are at the waters edge with the toddler behind them. I am standing watching and helping with the caught fish.

The toddler has a dummy in his mouth. He struggles to get out of his pusher, no one other me is aware of his struggles. He’s desperately straining himself to get free, but he doesn’t make a sound. He gives up, something has caught his attention – his mother’s voice at the fun of catching a fish.

The fish is dealt with and for the parents it’s back to fishing. The toddler struggles to free himself again. He makes a noise. His mother turns around and tickles his tummy. He squirms and giggles, she turns back to the fishing. Their other little boy is looking at them through the perspex door and has been doing so wanting to get out of the play area for some time. He doesn’t call out. His parents are too involved having their fun, he gives up and goes back to playing in the sand.

The toddler has thrown his dummy on the ground. His parents whilst waiting from me to attend to the next fish notice it, it’s sucked clean and returned to its rightful place. He seems happy with this stopping his struggles.

The young boy is again longing to come out. His father sees him, walks over and lets him out. He runs past his brother and over to a long line of small fishing rods used in the pond. His mother hurries after him, sees he’s about to start touching the rods and reels, grabs him lifting him away and convinces him that that best place from him to be is back in the sand pit. He seems okay about this idea. The fishing recommences.

The final fish is caught, the three year old is let out of the play area and off they go. The two parents are very happy about the very enjoyable time they had – mum even caught a fish! When usually she never catches anything.

Are they are a happy loving family? Do they all love each other? Do the parents love their children? This is what I want to portray in this blog. Superficially I would say yes. No one cried, they all had ‘fun’, so the parents declared, and the children mostly behaved themselves and did what they were told. And I’m sure the parents if asked would say yes they love their children – a BIG YES! And they would also probably say that yes their children are happy. They are happy, happy with each other and happy with their family and how everything is going. And if one were to ask the children if they are happy, would they too say yes?

So is this just a normal regular loving happy family?

Where I asked before I started my childhood repression healing I’d probably say yes, why not, everything seemed okay with everyone seemingly enjoying themselves. There were no fights, the parents seemed kind and caring, they didn’t chastise, humiliate, criticise, shit on their children like some other parents who come to the pond do. So yes, it all seems good, not great as the children weren’t included, but they were too young and it was probably better that they weren’t free to wander around being a nuisance nor get themselves into any trouble.

But now where I to ask myself the same question, it’s the things I didn’t notice or weren’t aware of before I started my childhood repression healing that greatly disturb me. Now I empathise with how terrible it feels being confined to your pusher unable to be free to wander where you like. Strapped in, all but caged in, without anyone – your parents – wanting to fully include you in their lives. The horror of only being a part person in your own family. A person that is coming into being but is forced to play a role as defined by being ‘acceptable’ by your mother and father. And so long as you play that role everything seems okay, but the truth is you feel unwanted, rejected – hated. Your own so-called loving parents don’t want to bother with you toddling all over the place. They have come to have their own fun all under the guise that it will be a fun thing for everyone to do, and yet you’re not included. They don’t care about you, not really care about you and your well-being, for if they did, then you would be the centre of their lives and everything would revolve around you, fishing or no fishing.  They wouldn’t be turning their backs on you and getting on with having their fun.

And where you truly loved you wouldn’t be pushed off to the play area there to stay until your parents have had their fun. And when you came out you would be allowed under their watchful and caring guidance to explore the pond area, to look at all the rods and reels, to touch and play with them. No one else was at the pond, and you can’t accidentally fall in. The parent can stop the child from damaging the rods and reels not that this three year old would do any damage, he wasn’t like that. But no, he couldn’t be free to move around enjoying his new world together with his parents and his little brother, his life isn’t about himself, it’s about his parents, he just has to fit in with them. And how does it feel to just have to fit in with your parents? It feels awful. It all feels awful, and you feel very, very bad, right to the core of your being when you’re not allowed to be as you want to be.

So I look and feel-remember how the same sorts of things were done to me. Done to me by my ‘loving’ parents, ignorant people who are that way all because they too were treated that way, all being made to shut off the real and true person, to stop being able to fully and freely express all the feelings they have. The parents are still shut away in their little play pen worlds, now including the fishing pond. And being so do the same to their own children shutting them away in their own little false worlds.

So as I look deeper I wonder where is this so-called love? And what really is it? And all I can come up with is that it’s not love, or if it is then it’s something of a superficial, even artificial and belief generated love, but it’s not true or pure because it’s all based around denying personality expression.

So all I can conclude is that this contrived love is the best these little children will get. It’s the best their parents got. It’s the best I got. It’s the best anyone got or gets, even though it might appear some people got or get more of it than others.

So is it love or is it something else – hate perhaps? Or is hate too harsh a word? But what is the opposite to love? Or maybe it’s something in the middle, a sort of friendship – being together, sharing life together to some degree, even if it is in a self-denying negative state of mind and will. Or is it as my mother often said: ‘It’s just your lot, so get on with it, don’t worry about it, of course it’s love, of course I love you – I’m your mother!’.

We are not aware or in touch with our true feelings. We’ve never been allowed to have and express them. We’ve had to deny this part of ourselves. And what we’ve been left with we have learnt to call love, being loving, living in a happy loving family. But how much is real and how much is false? And how can we tell when we’re not aware or allowed to be aware of what we really feel and what we did feel during our forming years?

We live denying our true selves, and so deny our children their true selves. And we call this way of life ‘loving each other’. And this is what we have to become aware of, at least those of us who want to live true and come back to their true self.

I present such posts not as a judgement and criticism of us or of these specific individuals at the fishing pond – we’re all in the same boat and we’re all fucked, only in different ways – but to make it be known. To make it be said. It has to be said, it has to be brought out before it can be accepted, spoken about, and then dealt with – the truth seen. And it’s the cause and at the root of all our problems, of every bad feeling we have, and mostly we just accept this is right, normal, generally ‘good parenting’. And because we don’t want to do anything about our bad feelings so far as uncovering the truth of why we feel them, we mostly do as my mother advised and just GET ON WITH IT, wrongly believing there is nothing we can do.

And it’s all so sad, and it IS all so wrong, and there IS something we can do about it.