God hates me

Why does God make all the bad things happen to me? Why does God make me have such a shit life? Why does God hate me? Other people have a good like, but I don’t – and why not? What’s so wrong with me? What did I do? Why does God take it all out on me? Why do I have to be punished so much? It’s so unfair. I don’t want to always be feeling bad. I want to feel good and enjoy my life. So why can’t I? Why won’t You give me a good life God? Why do You hate me?

Why do I feel that God hates me? I don’t actually know if God does hate me – it’s just what I feel. But are my feelings real and true? I don’t know because I’m not real and true.

From what I understand, when we are little it’s our parents who are god. Our parents are everything. Nothing else exists other than them. We ‘absorb’ all we need from them (and other influential ‘carers’). Our mind and feeling systems aren’t developed enough to include anyone else. Then we grow up seeing the world through their eyes, with our patterns of belief and behaviour having been formed around how our parents ‘parented’ – treated – us.

So we grow up feeling like and believing we’ve grown up to become a unique individual, which of course from our personality perspective we can be nothing else, but when we do our feeling-healing working our way through our childhood repression, we soon see just how much of what we thought was our own unique individuality is from our parents, how much we’ve simply adopted from them making it ours.

And so it is with God. Our relationship with God actually begins with our relationship with our parents. So if we feel hated by our parents we’ll feel hated by God. If we feel loved by our parents we’ll feel loved by God. And then on top of this truth comes all the other yuk – the wrong beliefs, fears, negative behaviours and patterns, making the truth of our relationship with God and our parents very difficult to find.  We might, for example, feel we love God and that God loves us, but this may only be a self-imposed belief (the same as believing our parents love us and we love them) and not something based on true life experience.  It might be something we desperately want to believe to be true, yet without any experiential foundation to substantiate such belief, how can we know if we’re simply not lying to ourselves.

All I am presenting about childhood repression and using what I call Feeling-Healing to heal it, is based on the idea of using your bad feelings to go deep into yourself to find out the truth of what really is going on within you – what really you are feeling.

And so when you come to hating and having to express all your bad feelings about God, all I want you to understand is that it’s not really about God, it is, as it always is, all about your feelings. So you can use your hatred of God to help you look deeper into your relationship with your parents, to see your hatred of them. And conversely, as you uncover your hatred of your parents, so too might you uncover your hatred of God, seeing what your relationship with God is really based on.

We’ve had it pushed down out throats until we’re gagging on it that God loves us, and yet we only have to look at ourselves and our lives to wonder, if this is so, then were is all this love. For if it were so, surely we’d feel it and be living a life of complete joy and happiness. However the truth is God may love us as it is said, but truly we’ll never be able to feel this for certain until we’ve first healed all our unloving feelings we feel from our parents. All the pain and suffering caused us by our parents is blocking any true relationship we can have with God. Of course we can believe we love God and that God loves us, and we can swoon with the love of God as it fills our soul and courses through our veins as some people seem to experience, but this is still all based on beliefs from our early childhood, often our offsetting all the pain, hatred and rejection we felt from our parents by looking to God to be our great loving better and ‘new’ parents.  But it’s all a fantasy, just as is all the so-called mind generated love we feel for and from God. It’s all unreal as will be shown to you as you work your way through your childhood repression healing.

We can’t have a true relationship with God until we are having a true relationship with ourselves. And we can’t have a true relationship with ourself until we have a true relationship with our parents. And as we can’t go back and start again with our parents being unconditionally loving, all-accepting and no longer of a negative state of being, we can only, through our feeling-healing, heal them ‘within’ us.  We can only seek to perfect all their imperfect legacy, that which we’ve taken on from them. And whilst we’re in and of a negative state of mind and will, the truth of this legacy will all be about how unloved we feel by our parents and how much we hate them for it.

When all your hidden suppressed bad feelings have been brought to light, when you’ve uncovered the whole truth of your negative state, then you will be free to enter into a true relationship with God (and with everyone else for that matter), being able to truly feel from your heart and without any mind and belief interference what true love feels like. Then you will finally be free of your early parenting restrictions and limitations. Then you will be fully the true and unique adult and child of God that you are.

Just keep on praying

Pray it away, get rid of those bad feelings, that’s what you’ve got to do. That’s what you’ve been taught, that’s what you believe is best for you. And at all costs, don’t to the opposite and accept them, allowing yourself to feel bad so you can face the truth of why you do.

No way, that would be terrible, no, you have to keep up your faith, hold firm to your belief, and never stop praying.

If you stop doing it then all hell will break loose. If you stop doing it then you will feel vulnerable. If you stop doing it then you’ll be at the mercy of the Evil One – Satin, the DEVIL! And we can’t have that now, can we?

But why do you fear the Devil, evil, and all that it makes you feel? Why are you so scared? Other people aren’t scared of evil or of the Devil as you are?

But no, you can’t allow any cracks in your armour, you’ve got to keep up the good work – religiously keep praying. You have to show, to the Devil, that you are the ‘holy’ one, that your heart is pure, all so it will know to leave you alone. Prayer is your shield, keep it up at all times!

And yet it’s all a bit late for that. You are already of a negative mind and will state, and so you are already self- and feeling-denying and so living in an evil state of being. Evil has already got you – you are already it. And as you no doubt know: evil is the denial of truth. The ‘Devil’ wants to destroy all that is true, pure and good. And yet you are already denying yourself, your true self being that which is true, pure and perfect – so aren’t you your own devil? And you started denying yourself at conception. So you’re not only fighting a loosing battle, but the battle is well and truly over – and you lost. No amount of prayer is going to ’save’ you.

But you are still fighting, you cannot stop fighting. The Devil is still ‘real’. So who is it that you’re still really fighting? The Devil already has you as seen by your self-denying negative state of mind and will, showing up in your childhood repression, so why fight on?

And who you are fighting, and will forever fight against (until you do your feeling- or soul-healing), is your parents – fighting against all they did to you, how they treated you during your forming years. And because of this, one can only deduce that it’s not actually the Devil you are fighting but your very own PATENTS as they are true EVIL ONES.

The devil doesn’t exist, it’s only something made up by those people who can’t face the truth that it’s really their own parents they are desperately scared of. It’s all very convenient to say you are good and ‘out there’ is the BAD ONE. Because that was how you felt as a young child, and it was true, you were good and your parents were the bad ones. However you can’t grow up admitting this, you ‘love’ your parents and they ‘love’ you, so it has to be an unseen force, something out there that lurks unseen in the dark depths of your imagination. It can’t under any circumstances be what’s standing right in front of your face out in broad daylight – your parents.

And the sad truth is: you can’t pray your parents away.