We spend zillions of dollars on trying to feel better

It’s mad really. All we do is done to keep us away from our bad feelings. That is the extent of our so-called ‘civilised progress’.

It’s said we live on an insane world, and it’s true. If we weren’t mad with our pain, suffering and bad feelings, we’ve have no need to do all that we do.

Look at your own life. The sad truth is: all you are doing in it is to escape from your bad feelings. And can you say it’s not? Can you say you do all you do to welcome and accept your bad feelings?

And who wants to feel bad – no one. No one in their right mind would want to feel bad, and yet we all feel bad, even if we are so far gone we won’t allow ourselves to acknowledge it.

But we all feel bad, somewhere inside us, we all do. And we really do, it’s true, as shown by our childhood repression. Childhood repressed feelings make us feel bad. Our childhood repression is bad. It’s not a nice loving thing, however it of itself is neither good or bad, the bad being what was done to us to bring it about within us.

Currently on the material level of dollars, the economy is dying. We’re having to keep up the fantasy for all it’s worth. We can’t just allow it to keel over and be what it is – nothing. We’ve made it all up, it’s all unreal. So many people live beyond their means believing they can be happy living with debt, believing they can escape from the pain of their bad feelings by having things they can’t afford.

We by a house with money we don’t have, but we hope we’ll have in future. It’s always the future, life will always be better in future, but why will it – why should it? We’ve only been led to believe this because when we were little we looked to the future to feel better. Our current ‘now’ moment with our parents made us feel bad, so it was always the future that was going to be better. And often it was our parents who said so.

So in no way we can just accept and live with the amount of real physical dollars we have, living within our means, because for most of us that would mean we wouldn’t have anything. And we can’t bear this thought. Because to have nothing means you don’t feel loved – or so we’ve been wrongly made to believe. You didn’t have anything with your parents making you feel unloved bring about your childhood repression, so now you must have material things to fill up this cavernous hole of despair – of feeling so alone, unwanted, unloved and uncared about.

But one day the house of cards will come crashing down. And this as we are seeing might be the beginning of that day. And if it does and the economy goes to shit, then what happens, how will we all survive?

And what will happen, something we can all count on – is PAIN. Yet what is this pain? And as much as it might be the pain of all the fear suddenly assailing you, really it is the pain, the buried pain, surfacing from your early childhood. It is the pain of feeling so unloved by your parents being manifest all about you by your failing life. The pain you’ve been refusing to face. The pain your greed and desperation by living in debt, living without anything real, living a false and fantasy life, is forcing you to feel. The very same pain of living a false and fantasy life of ‘love’ with your parents.

And is there an escape – a real way out? And what happens if once the flimsy house has completely come done with no hope of re-building, not for a very long time, then what?

There are two things you can do. One: struggle on the best you can, as mostly you have done over previous cyclic downturns, steadfastly trying to deny all your bad feelings – just as you have always done; and the other, is to go the other way, stop and begin to face the truth: that you feel bad. To accept, express and uncover the truth of all your bad feelings. To begin to acknowledge and accept your pain. To heal yourself of your self-defeating bad-feeling-denying life – to heal your childhood repression.

I am the Greatest Evil One.

I am no love. I have a heart of stone – this I now know as I feel it to be so. This is the truth of my anti-love negative state of mind and will.

And I feel good. Surprisingly, I feel good being able to accept this about myself. It’s taken me years of hard slog doing my feeling-healing, but now I’m there, now I understand. Now I know I am cold, with no warmth, no blood, no fire in me, no love – just cold hard stone.

I have tried to resist this truth, I have not wanted to be told or accused of being unloving, but I am. I have fought my way to this hidden truth of myself and now I am there. Now I feel I need go no further, only to understand more about what it is like to be my unloving self.

I don’t feel love. I don’t feel loved by anyone – I don’t love. I used to believe I did, but it was only a lie, all make-believe, false and wrong. It was nothing more than a belief I needed to have so I didn’t have to face the cold hard truth. It was a belief given to me by my mother, father and grandmother. They believed it too. They believed they were loving, perhaps even all-loving, but they weren’t. They weren’t because I didn’t and don’t feel loved by them. And as I am of and from them, so too am I unloving. I too am as they are, only now I know and accept the truth.

I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make everyone be nice, kind, caring and loving of each other. I wanted to do this so they would all love me. The world being really just my parents. I so desperately wanted them to like me, to accept me as I was, to not try and change me – to just love me.

I wanted the whole world to do my bidding. I know the new way, the right way, and if only everyone were to listen to me, then we could all live happily ever after.

I wanted to change the world as many before me have wanted to, as many other people still do, but now I can see in myself, as I see in them, that we are all wrong. I am only wanting to do it for selfish self-centred self-glorying reasons. I am only wanting to be the supreme controller, the ultimate master of all. I want to be god. I want to wave the magic wand and make everything be how I want it to be – all so I will always feel good. So I want everyone to do what I say. And if they do, then I will be happy. It’s all for me, not for them, only I pretend and superficially make out that it is for them, this being exactly how my parents said it was for me. They said they were all for me, the life they were giving and making for me was all for me, but it wasn’t, it was only all for them.

Now I know the awful truth of myself. I am not all-loving and trying to be like Jesus, showing everyone The Way whilst showering the sick and poor with tenderness, goodness and love. I am the opposite, like the Evil Ones, with no love to give, only a leech wanting to suck everyone dry of all life, vitality, spirit and love – to suck them dry all for myself.

And I want to use everyone until there is no one left to use. Then it will only be me, the greatest person alive. But I will be alone. And this too is what I want. I don’t care about being alone because that is all I have ever felt, it’s all I have ever had. I am alone – that is my lot, as my mother told me, so I expect nothing more. Being alone I should be happy. Being alone I will be happy, because when I was alone I was away from them and I felt better. But I also know this too is all wrong. This is the price I pay for being unloving, for having no goodness and no truth within me. This is the price of my suffering – the cost of my pain. But I can live with it, or so I believe, as I have nothing else. There never was anything else, so this is all I have, all I can look forward to, all I can aspire to be. It is all I want.

So here I am, alone in my heart with nothing I love and no one to be loved by. I do actually have a loving person with me and a loving little cat, but I can’t feel their love for me. I used to pretend that I did, but I didn’t – I just wanted to believe I did.

I am with them and I am no-love, and I am alone. And there is nothing I can do. It is just how it is – how I was made to be. However as I said, strangely, I don’t feel bad about about it anymore. I am just as I am and that is all I can be – it is all that I AM. I is all I can be in my negative unloving state.

What happens when you repress bad feelings?

You get sick. Your sickness may not immediately show itself, but it will. And it might not show itself only on the physical level as in physical illness, it might show emotionally, mentally or spiritually. And it might not even show during your physical life, it might manifest when you are in spirit. But what you can be sure of is, it will show itself one day, because it has to – it has to show you that you are doing something bad to yourself by repressing your feelings.

Your feelings are you. If you repress and deny any part of yourself, then you are hurting yourself. You’re not being loving of yourself. You are hating yourself. You are rejecting your own self-expression, your own presence and being in life. And if you do this then you will get sick. Because what you are really doing is killing yourself. By stopping yourself express and so fully experience your feelings you may as well be hitting yourself on the head with a hammer, or sawing off your fingers, then your arm, then…

So it’s a blessing that you get sick. And ALL sickness, all illness – ALL PAIN – ONLY occurs as a result of your repressing feelings. It’s the repressing of your bad feelings that IS the pain. It is what causes you so much pain, and causes all the bad things to happen to you to make you sick.

If you can look at being sick as your system telling you loud and clear that you are repressing feelings somewhere within you, then you might want to find out where and how you are. And you can do this by doing your Feeling-Healing. Which simply involves doing the opposite to what you are doing: express and speak and bring out all your feelings, whilst longing for and wanting to know the reasons why – the truth – you are feeling them. And you will find there are very valid reasons.

Being sick is not just bad luck – for some unknown reason you have got sick. And it’s not just because you smoke too much; you’re too stressed; it’s genetic; you eat too much red meat; too many eggs; too much salt; you don’t do enough exercise; you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when that flu ridden person breathed all over you.

These are the things your system will use to manifest your feeling denial. So if you get cancer from smoking too many cigarettes, and you really want to know why, then the reasons are going to be found in why you need to smoke. Why do you need to do this thing to yourself, slowly poisoning yourself, slowly killing yourself, which in the end does kill you? Why do you need to smoke to cover up the bad feelings you are repressing? And the why is because you are slowly killing yourself by denying some aspect of yourself. And this aspect is represented by the feelings you are denying and repressing. So your system has manifest your death from cancer to show you what you are doing to yourself – killing yourself. And it’s not just bad luck, or that your mother died from the same cancer so you’re more prone to it; it’s because you are killing yourself – rejecting yourself – your own life – by rejecting your feelings.

Why you suddenly catch the Swine Flu is because your system now has it available to use to show you how you are rejecting and denying a part of yourself. So it makes you ‘catch’ the virus. And then how having the virus makes you feel, how feeling sick makes you feel, you will discover, were you to express all such bad feelings, are the very same bad feelings you are rejecting and repressing. So you bring to yourself the vehicle – the virus – to help reflect and show to you just what you are doing to yourself. And if you don’t need the virus to help you show you this, then you won’t catch it. And if you do need it and you take shots to prevent it helping you see – through your bad feelings – what you are doing to yourself, then you are only covering up your self-rejection, repressing and burying your bad feelings even more. All of which will one day force themselves to the surface manifesting in some other greater pain.

And the difficulty we face is that most of our bad feeling repression has begun during our early childhood, we’ve been repressing feelings for a long time. And so to heal such causes, as to why we are doing this horrible thing to ourselves, requires a lot of very hard work on oneself, and will involve the healing of your childhood repression. Again which you can do through your feeling-healing.

And any further feeling suppress and keeping those feelings repressed as an adult, will only reinforce and add to that which you are keeping going from early childhood. And taking it another step, the only reason why you would repress any feelings as an adult is because it’s what you’ve learnt and been made to do as a young child. It’s all apart of how you are.

If you want to stop your feeling repression and so stop the need for it manifesting and making yourself sick, then be aware that every time you go to the doctor and have things done to you to take the pain away you are only burying more of yourself and will have to pay in pain some day for it.

But I say that not to make you stop going to the doctor – you have to always do what you feel you want to do. I say it just to help you become more aware of what you are doing, and what the consequences might be. So if now you don’t know what to do: go to the doctor or not, take something to get rid of the pain or not, all you can do is your feeling-healing: keeping on speaking about all you feel and longing for the truth of such feelings, whilst you go or don’t go to the doctor.

IT’S THE ONGOING SPEAKING ABOUT – BRING UP AND EXPRESSING ALL YOUR BAD FEELINGS – THAT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT. It doesn’t matter if you keep doing things to further deny and repress feelings in the short term, whilst you get the hang of speaking about all you feel. It’s just so important to speak about all your pain and bad feelings instead of just wiping them aside pretending you’re not feeling such things.

If the pain gets too much, of course you do what you need to do, and whilst doing it, keep speaking about just how bad it’s making you feel, and how feeling such bad feelings make you feel; and keep wanting to uncover the reasons hidden within you as to why you are experiencing such bad feelings. And as the truth comes, the pain will lessen and so will your need to make yourself sick.

Euthanasia

We are so scared of death. It’s one of our greatest dreads. Keep the person alive at all cost – no matter how much they are suffering.

Don’t allow anyone to take their own life. Don’t allow anyone to have complete control over their own life. Don’t allow us any freedom to be an adult (or child).

Just be the parent telling the child what to do.

Must we always have the authority telling us what to do and how to be – parents treating us as children who don’t know any better?

When will we ever be allowed to grow up becoming responsible for our own lives?

When will we understand that great release can come with death, and new life awaits us in the spirit worlds?

2. The importance of EXPRESSING your feelings.

Having admitted to yourself you’re living in feeling-denial, the next step in your self-acceptance and Feeling-Healing is to allow your bad feelings to be, and then have their say. But this can be very difficult too, because it means you will actually FEEL THEM, which means, you will FEEL BAD. And feeling bad is NOT how you want to feel, for if it were, you wouldn’t be denying them – would you?

So you’re going to have to allow yourself to feel bad, and this can also be very scary and painful. But there is no way out of it. However, you don’t have to just impassively let your bad feelings swamp you, you can do something about feeling them, you can speak about them – express them. As they surface you let them come out. The opposite to denying them. And some feelings, like anger, feel like they can’t wait to come out. Others, such as sadness, misery, or guilt, threaten to bear down on you crushing you with their burden; rushing out being the last thing they want to do preferring to just immerse you in their state until you drown with depression. But these feelings too have to come out – you just have to work harder at speaking up and expressing them.

Your repressed bad feelings are like poison in you. And each one you can speak out is talking some of the poison out of you.

So give voice to your bad feelings: talk about them, emote them, express them. Give them life – feel as bad as they make you feel, and speak out such bad feelings.

It is vitally important that you speak them out – express them, it’s the ONLY way to rid yourself of your repressed feelings. And the longer they stay within you, the worse they will affect you. Your talking about them is your saying to the world (and to yourself) that you – your bad feelings – have a right to exist. Speaking them out is your demonstration in the world of that right.  It’s literally bringing you up and out of your repressed state of being.

And when you speak and express them, tell a friend. A friend being anyone who wants to listen to how bad you are feeling.

During your early forming life, no one cared about you; no one wanted to listen, no one wanted you to tell them how bad you felt. No one came to help you. No one was listening; you had no one to go to. For if you did, you wouldn’t be denying your bad feelings, would you? Your patterns would be the opposite, and expressing them would be second nature to you.

So with a friend, now you have someone who does care; someone you can tell all your pain, anger, misery etc. to. Someone who feels sympathetic to you; someone who’s on your side – a good friend.

So now you can feel bad and tell someone who cares about you. You can go to them taking about all your bad feelings, and cry. And they won’t tell you to stop, go away, shut up, go tell someone else – they won’t reject you. They will welcome this bad feeling you into the world, helping it – you – to finally come out of hiding. And their unconditional acceptance of you will show you that speaking about how bad you feel is not going to cause a bad thing to happen to you.

Finally you can start to bring out and liberate these denied parts of yourself. And all because someone wants and accepts you totally as you are – and that someone is, not only your friend, but YOU!

Feeling bad is Good! It’s okay to feel bad.

Feeling bad is Good! It’s okay to feel bad.

Feeling bad is good. Feeling bad is good. Feeling bad is GOOD!

It’s not bad to feel bad – it’s good.

FEELING BAD IS GOOD. Very good!!!

And feeling really bad is also good. And feeling worse is even better.

It’s all very good! It’s okay to feel bad. Bad feelings are okay. It’s good to feel bad.

Bad feelings are GOOD!

It’s good to feel bad about feeling bad. Bad feelings are YOUR feelings. YOUR bad feelings have a right. A right to exist. A right for you to feel them.

Your bad feelings are a part of you. Bad feelings are good and they are your feelings!

ACCEPT THEM!

It’s okay to feel bad, there is nothing wrong with feeling bad. You might not like feeling bad, but it’s okay to feel bad.

You are allowed to feel bad. Bad feelings shouldn’t be dismissed.

Bad feelings already feel unwanted, why make them feel more rejected?

You are your bad feelings – if you reject them, you are rejecting yourself. Why are you rejecting yourself? Why are you rejecting your bad feelings? Is this how you want to life – rejecting a natural part of yourself? Is this how you want to live – rejecting your bad feelings?

Feeling bad is normal. We all feel bad. We all feel bad a lot of the time, even if we won’t admit it, or even if we’re not aware of it.

There are many bad feelings, all sorts of different bad feelings, and they are a normal part of you – of everyday life.

Bad feelings – your bad feelings – are to be welcomed. Bad feelings are to be wanted. Bad feelings are to be accepted.

Bad feelings are to be loved.

If you ignore or deny or dismiss or reject your bad feelings, what are you really doing? Denying, dismissing, rejecting yourself. Is this what you want to do?

You are your bad feelings – Your bad feelings are you.

Bad feelings have just as much right to life as good feelings.

Be true to your bad feelings – acknowledge, honour and accept them!

Accept your feelings. Accept yourself.

For more on feeling bad, see link to my free book over there on the right – Feeling bad is GOOD!

Dancing bears of India

Put yourself in the bears place.

How can they be so cruel? To pierce the baby bears nose with a red hot iron needle, and then put a horrible coarse dirty rope through it, all so they can make the poor bear dance and do whatever they want it to do.

Why are we so cruel to animals? And why doesn’t everyone do something to stop it?

Big James read the brochure about the plight of the dancing bears in India, and Maddy couldn’t bear the fact that they are taken from their mother, who is killed, at only four weeks old – just tiny baby bear-cubs; kept in sacks and then have all sorts of cruel and terrible things done to them, all so the people can make them dance to try and get some money.

It’s not right. It’s not fair. Nothing, no one, not even an animal, should be made to suffer so cruelly – and to suffer so badly for the whole of ones life. To not be fed properly, to be kept in tiny rooms and cages, to always have that yucky rope up your nose and a tight painful muzzle strapped around your mouth and nose – it makes me want to cry.

I wish I could make the people stop doing it, but what can I do? Some good people are trying to help the bears and stop the cruelty, but it happens too much. Too many bears are suffering too much.

Maddy says the bears make her feel so bad, because they remind her of how cruelly she was treated by her parents. They hit her a lot, like the men hit the bears with their sticks. Maddy felt caged in, and was harshly controlled with no freedom of her own; none of her own life to do whatever she wanted to do it, always being made to do what her parents said. The bears being treated so badly greatly upsets her, she wants to go to India to help free them, but I hope she doesn’t go, for what will Big James and me do without her?

Seeing the pictures of the poor lovely friendly bears makes us all feel so bad. So many bad things are done to such nice kind animals. So many bad things are done to children.

And it makes sense that we hurt animals because we hurt our children, and all because we – as Maddy and Big James tell me – are hurting ourselves. I don’t want to hurt myself, or anyone, or any animal. I want everyone to live free. Yes, that’s what I want.

I’m not old enough to do anything to help the poor dancing bears in India (and they’ve nearly all been freed), although Maddy and Big James did send a little money; but if you can help, you can go here www.hsi.org.au so the rest of the dancing bears can be rescued and live free in the special sanctuaries for them without any horrible rope up their nose.

Put yourself … in your child’s place

Bringing up repressed memories

In my Feeling-Healing, I use my current bad feeling – by expressing it – to take me back down into myself liberating other repressed feelings, which at times can bring to light a repressed memory.

However, the focus is ALWAYS on feeling-expression and NEVER just using my mind, or a mind technique, to probe and hunt around, speculate, even contrive, a repressed memory. And there is a great temptation to do this. Trying to go deep into yourself via your bad feelings is not a pleasant experience – it makes you feel very bad, yet that’s what it’s all about – allowing yourself to feel these bad feelings, ones you’ve been hiding from yourself, and not escaping from them using your mind.

To try and avoid feeling bad, using your mind to create answers, reasons why and explanations, by making up false memories, is fraught with danger. The danger being, that for the most part, you aren’t even aware you are doing it. A plausible memory surfaces, you grab it – that must be it, you tell yourself, it all makes sense, and you feel you have found the truth, but all you’ve succeeded in doing is further delude yourself, further avoiding and denying your bad feelings.

With feeling-healing you don’t look for the truth or hunt for any hidden memory. I was guilty of this, desperately scanning over and over my early memories hoping to force a crack or open a new window into my forgotten past, something that would explain my trauma. But I didn’t understand about just expressing – ALWAYS ONLY JUST SPEAKING ABOUT ALL I FELT. Always staying focused on my feelings, and then simply allowing what happens to happen. While all the time longing hard to find, see and know the truth; and being patient, understanding that the liberation of my buried feelings will tell the story of what happened to me. And with time the picture of truth forms and grows, but not all at once. I have had masses of repressed bad feelings surface about every part of my unloving childhood relationships, all slowly coming to light like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

There has been a huge amount to see and comprehend. But my feeling-healing experiences have conclusively shown me that I MUST AT ALL TIMES keep my mind out of it, and always just keep focused on speaking about my feelings.

My mind, in a way, has become them – those who were against my natural self-expression. And so I only have my feelings to go with, and they have liberated many repressed feeling-memories.

At times, earlier in my childhood repression feeling-healing, a memory, or what I thought was one, would come into my mind, but I wouldn’t feel completely happy and certain about its authenticity. But I’d still use it, going with the feelings it stimulated in me, and usually, what could be years later having grown in other aspects of myself, that memory would come around again for more scrutiny and I would be able to detect its falseness, and so let it go. And it would evaporate, whereas all other true memories, no matter how much I tried to push them away, would remain firming in my feelings with increasing conviction of their truth.

During the early stages of my feeling-healing, a lot didn’t add up, but I just kept trying to speak about all I felt. Mind you, I was lousy at it, and it has only been thanks to Marion that I’ve made any headway, but now, years on, it is all coming together and making perfect sense.

We only can see the world through our eyes.

Our eyes being determined by our early childhood – what we saw and how we were made to see and experience the world in our family. And so as adults we largely still see, and judge or accept, the world through our child eyes. Our patterns were fixed, our behaviour set, with our adult lives being really nothing more than the outworking of our early childhood. So what annoys you and makes you feel bad during your childhood repression healing is reflective of what annoys you on the inside, it being representative of what happened to make you feel bad when you were little. And so we can use it, through our bad feelings, to take us back into those same feelings of our early childhood to find the truth.

Yesterday Marion and I drove off Phillip Island to have more of a look at the ‘mainland’ countryside – we went to Korumburra from Wonthaggi.

As soon as we left Wonthaggi the land opened up into mostly beef and dairy farmland. Miles and miles of open gentle rolling hills covered in grass – but where were all the trees? Where was all the native bush land? Where were all the gum trees, the wattles, the fantastic birds and all our beautiful creatures? As we drove we saw a tiny pocket of bush, a tree covered hill, a dense forested sectioned off area, an inviting dark green leafed small valley, but mostly it was farm upon farm of green grass. All the lovely lush green colours vibrant in the sun looked quite spectacular, but not the same as looking at a forest.

On the way home from ‘Wonthers’, back to the Island, I felt a headache coming on. Then I felt nauseous. And as I started to speak about my bad feelings, it became increasingly apparent that the whole experience to me was very traumatic, that in some way it had related to something bad that happened to me during my early childhood. But I didn’t know what. I couldn’t remember, and I couldn’t understand why seeing the land devoid of trees was affecting me so much, and yet I felt it was.

The more we spoke about it; the more I tried to moan and grown speaking about how sick I felt and how much my head hurt, the more I felt that sometime back in my past I had been taken out into bare farmland like what we’d seen and left there, taken away from mum and dad, from home, and left with some other family, something that I didn’t want to do and which greatly traumatised me.

As I concentrated on trying to express – trying to speak what I felt, trying to allow my bad feelings of sickness and pain to speak, my mouth dried up, my throat constricted, my eyes filled with tears and eventually, choking, I spluttered out, NO! DONT LEAVE ME HERE! And in my mind I was screaming with rage and the agony of feeling left, NO! DON’T LEAVE ME! I could hardly speak the words as emotion, too much and having been too deeply buried, rushed up in me, leaving me choking, slobbering, spluttering. And I threw up emotionally. I didn’t vomit, but huge deep dry retches of emotion spewed up out of me. And then it was over. I didn’t feel sick anymore. I still had the headache and the pain had moved and changed into being a more stabbing pain rather and a dull ache, and for the rest of the trip home we talked about all we knew of my early childhood that had been revealed through my healing and how it related to what I had just gone through. I also continued to moaned, groan and emotionally throw up as my head ache came back and went again in waves.

This morning I woke up with a picture in my mind of all the farm land we’d seen being covered in bush as it would have been before white man wrecked it. I imagined the hills covered in trees, and the birds, the animals, the little bugs and beetles. And as I spoke to Marion about this picture and how it was making me feel, so I could find out why it was in my mind, I became slowly aware that it was all me. How I was seeing the land was how I was seeing myself. I used to be covered in natural bush, lush, pure and untouched, a perfect piece of nature, but then my parents set about clearing me, clearing in me all they didn’t want. All that annoyed them, all that got in their way and made life harder for them. And so what am I left with, not much, just a little bit of me here and there with no way of connecting those parts. With a false me all but devoid of natural love having to live an artificial life of milking cows and watching the grass grow.

I still don’t remember if I was left anywhere when I was young, such as in the country, but that no longer matters. I can remember many times when I was left places I didn’t want to be. I was left as soon as I was born in the infant room in the hospital according to my feeling-memories. I was left every day I went to school. I was left emotionally. I was left alone a lot in my ‘corner’ playing with my toys without being communicated with properly; left to feel as if I was a stranger in my own family, a lodger in my own house; left to feel that I didn’t matter, that no one cared about me; and as long as I was good and did what I was told, then largely I was just… left.

There was also another very interesting point this experience helped me to understand about myself by putting the new me into perspective with the old me. The old me occasionally travelled in such farm land country, and I can remember back then thinking about the desecration of the natural bush, but it never emotionally effected me, not to the degree it did yesterday by making me sick. And that was because I looked at all intellectually. I would morn the loss of the environment and get angry with our unfeeling insensitive ignorant ways, but all mentally, all just within my mind and so at arms length. I didn’t allow any of it to come right in and deeply affect me. But now, the new me, the me that is allowing my bad feelings to govern my life instead of my mind, felt bad, and how very bad! Yesterday it was all highly personal. I was the bush. I could feel the violation and desecration within me of my unfeeling parents cutting down my personality as the trees were cut down; their uncaring attention stopping me express myself. I could feel it all around me, as if I could all but feel the pain of the land, the pain of Mother Earth as yet more wanton destruction took place. And as hard as it is to go through such harrowing deep emotional purging and feeling so bad, still I would much rather allow myself to be so affected emotionally than being shut off to my feelings and living alone in my mind. I would much rather feel my pain driving through that cleared land than driving through it impartial to it all, telling myself: well, there is nothing I can do about it anyway so why get upset about it. I would much rather know that what I can do about it now is just allow myself to feel all my feelings, and that there is nothing else to do. At least now I feel alive in my feelings relating to life, rather than just being in my unfeeling mind… and left all alone.

Healing your childhood repression through bad feeling acceptance.

Your FEELINGS are you, NOT your thoughts or beliefs. You are denying many feelings, especially your bad ones. So to heal yourself you need to do the opposite – ACCEPT ALL YOUR FEELINGS.

So your childhood repression healing begins by:

Accepting and admitting, and gradually becoming more aware that you are denying bad feelings.

When you feel bad – stop. Acknowledge that you are feeling bad. Allow yourself to feel as bad as you feel. This is usually hard to do.

If you can, and this part is vitally important, tell someone who cares about you that you are feeling bad. Tell them all you feel. Speak about – express – your bad feelings. They are within you and they want to come out – so speak them out. They are not going to come out, forever remaining inside you and doing you no good, if you do not speak about them.

Then want to know with all your being why you are feeling bad. Long for the truth of your bad feelings.

DON’T use your mind or allow it to tell you the reason why you are feeling bad – why you think you feel bad. The healing of your childhood repression is all FEELING-HEALING. Your mind will want to stay in control keeping you denying your bad feelings, so you have to keep speaking about them as you feel them to break this control.

Longing for the truth of your bad feelings is also vitally important. If you don’t REALLY and TRULY want to know why you feel bad, forget it, as nothing will happen. You have to want to eventually uncover the WHOLE TRUTH of what happened to you as you were forming, and what such negative influences have made you become. You have to want to see the whole truth of your relationships with your parents and family. If you don’t – forget it. At best you might only get into some superficial layers deluding yourself you are making progress, or worse, that you have healed yourself of your traumas.

Once you have longed determinedly for the truth of why you are feeling bad, speak more about how your bad feelings are making you feel.

And keep speaking and expressing all your bad feelings – ALWAYS!

You don’t have to do anything else. The truth will come to light by itself when you are ready for it.

So this is very simply all you have to do. And if you’ve had any good therapy or worked on yourself with success, you will be able to recognise this procedure in how you’ve helped yourself.

Become aware that you are feeling bad.
Admit and acknowledge your bad feelings.
Speak about and express them to someone who wants to listen and know you.
Long for the TRUTH of why you are feeling them.
Speak more about how bad you feel.
Be patient, in time the truth will come.