Using a therapist.

Although I have written that you don’t need one, that you can do all of your feeling-healing without needing such help, still I want to emphasise that if you feel you do need one, then you should follow such feelings.

So many of us are very fucked up, we’re not in a rational state of mind or emotions. And for such people I would strongly advise that they receive hands on help from trained people. They can still start to work on their feeling-healing if that is what they want, but still they may need a lot of face-to-face help from professionals.

Many people may need other structures put in place within themselves so as to deal with the onrush of bad feelings, all before they are stable and confident enough to tackle going it alone doing their feeling-healing.

What I write about therapists is not meant to be seen that I hate therapists and advise against then. That’s not true. All I want to do is point out that there can be certain limitations with them, as there are within everything that’s functional in a negative state of mind and will. And in regards to uncovering the whole truth of yourself, there will come a point when you have to go it alone, and go deep down into all of your buried repressed feelings, all so you can find the whole truth of your relationship with yourself and your relationship with your parents.

When you are in a very bad state, with so many bad feelings swirling around within you, they can all jam up or you can break down with them, or you can even pretend that you don’t feel any at all, feeling good about yourself. And for such people professional help will probably be a good, if not an essential way of starting to bring some sort of order and rationality to what’s going on. But as to what sort of therapy might be good for you, that I can’t say. Personally I’m not interested in what sort of therapies exist. Fortunately I’ve been able to do my feeling-healing without such help, although, I admit I do have my own personal ongoing therapist in Marion, that which a true friend can become. Nor am I interested in any psychological techniques because they are all mostly only designed to help you cope better within your negative state, not helping to get you out of it. And as I said, this might be what you do initially need. But when you want to start healing your negative self and feeling-denial state of mind, then you will be entering into doing your feeling or soul-healing.

Why would you want to be a therapist?

Because it’s a way you can gain power.

Everything we do in our negative orientated mind and will lives is to gain power, an attempt to re-gain the power our parents deprived us of naturally feeling and expressing as we grew up.

Our parenting is mostly all negative, yet we call it loving. So much of it had a negative unloving effect on us as seen by our having repressed childhood feelings – our childhood repression. And yet we call it all love.

In our unloving states as we grew up we felt powerless many times. Just look at how parents treat their children – does the child have equal power with the adult? No, the whole thing about being a child, so we seem to believe, is that the child is inferior and can’t nor shouldn’t have equal power. And so by treating our children this way we make them feel powerless, we’re always de-powering them, always pulling the rug out from under them. We might try and pump them up in other ways, trying to make them feel all-powerful and loved, but it’s all too late, and all on a condition of previous powerlessness.

And as children we don’t want to feel powerless. We do all we can to gain power within our family, some people being more successful at it than others. Yet it’s still all ONLY a subset of our parents all-powerful dominion.

And so all we do as adults is done to try and maintain our false-power within our powerless states, within our negative condition. And so those people who feel they can help others by being a therapist really see being a therapist as their means of having power, of trying to make up some of their childhood power deficit. And it’s acceptable. Being a therapist is ‘good’, so we all say, it’s a good way to try and re-gain power. Whereas being a murder is bad, that is unacceptable and not the ‘right’ way to re-gain power. And the therapist is held in high esteem, they can actually help others to shed some of their feelings of powerlessness possibly helping or enabling them to find new ways of re-gaining some of their lost and denied power.

So is it good to seek to gain power by using others to do so? Or is it that we’re happy, or at least pretend we are happy, with the trade off. We allow the therapist to use us because we believe and feel we are getting something out of it, something that will eventually and hopefully make us feel more powerful and better about ourselves? And so, is it right that therapists say you must not attempt to do your childhood repression healing without their help, and if you do… look out, all manner of bad things might happen to you.

And yet don’t misunderstand me, I only want to point out the truth of such things as I have come to see them. And I also understand that within our fuckedness we do need help, and help from those who may be using us to gain power. But that’s how it is within the negative – it can’t be any other way. But in time as you progress in your feeling-healing, the truth will come and along with it your own feelings of power – true power. And so your need to be dependant on such help from anyone else will diminish, to one day, end, the day when your childhood repression healing is over and you no longer feel powerless and under the regime of your parents. And what a great day that will be!

When you leave your therapist, then the real work begins

When you leave your therapist and start working to find the truth of your childhood repression through your own daily bad feelings – then the real work begins.

You can only do so much with professional help. You can achieve a lot, but it will pale in comparison to what you’ll achieve when you finally start to go it alone.

You might even feel and believe you have fully healed yourself all thanks to the help from your therapist, but in that you’ll sadly be wrong. You will never completely heal yourself of ALL your childhood repression until you start to uncover the truth of it through all the bad feelings you are still denying.

Being with your therapist can certainly open up many hidden doors within you, and can expose and bring to light much pain and truth; and it may even enable you to feel good enough about yourself and your life to carry on pounding the treadmill, however it will be nothing like the doors that will open when you want to start looking into the truth of all you feel just in your daily life with your partner and friend.

You see, your whole childhood repression is all about you feeling powerless – your parents having treated you in such ways as to make you feel bad about yourself and your life. And the simple act of you going to your therapist, needing their help, confirms and is an expression of this. You are still needing the authority person to help tell you how to be and what to feel in life. Your therapist might not intrude on your self-expression when you are with them, they may be a good friend and helping witness, but still you are in the subservient position, still you are coming under their power and dominance. And the simple fact that they even want to be a therapist means they are using you, their client, to gain some of the power they feel they don’t have. So do you see, it’s not a balanced relationship you are having with then, and it never can be. And it’s still just the same as it was with your parents. You were not an equal person with then, nor are you an equal person with your therapist. But when you step away and face doing your childhood repression healing, as in through your feeling- or soul-healing, with no one other than your partner or equal friend to listen to your bad feeling expression, then you will no longer be in the lesser position, then you will no longer need to have the overshadowing of authority in your life. And then it’s all up to you – you have to find the truth of yourself within yourself all by yourself. And this can be very scary.

Many therapists themselves fear this. They say you can’t do your childhood repression feeling without them, without their support and wise guidance. But this is still just more of the same you got from your parents, them telling you the same things. All so you don’t leave them, all so you remain forever dependant on them, all so you are never free to fall down the holes in life for yourself if that is what is meant to happen.

And so whilst you’re under your therapists ‘wing’ you will limit your self- and feeling expression. You will never feel equal, and indeed be equal, free to slog it out with your partner and friend. Free to uncover the truth of your bad feelings all through the ongoing daily grind of everyday life. And this is what we all need to do, as it was during our early life grinding along with our parents that our childhood repression came about.

You can do all of your childhood repression healing without a therapist if that is what you feel you want to do. However, if this is too much and you need such professional help, then this is what you must do – you ALWAYS do what you feel you want to do. And once you are free enough to finally leave your therapist, then the real work can begin. Then you will be stepping out being your own therapist. Then you’ll be moving away from the control of your parents looking to freely control yourself.

The ultimate self-help book

There is ONLY ONE self-help book you need – that which you will ‘write’ as you do your childhood repression healing.

All the rest are a waste of time if they keep you from your childhood repression healing.

If you need help in book form (or in person form for that matter, such as a therapist, counsellor or friend) and want to do your childhood repression healing, look for those that will help you STOP denying your bad feelings; will STOP you from using your mind to deny them even more.

Look for a book that will help you accept your bad feelings, express them and seek the truth of them. Look for books that will show you how to express yourself – all your thoughts and feelings – truly. Look for books that focus more on feelings and less on mind control.

Too many self-help books are mind controlling. And as such might seem they will help you, and may do so in the short term, but in the long run they will only make you feel worse. And be aware that a lot of books might speak about feelings and help you to express them, but will still only be mind controlling books in ‘feeling-disguise’.

You are your own book waiting to be written. It is ALREADY written – you only have to bring it into being. And that will only happen through your feelings.

Alice Miller

Alice Miller

If you are new to understanding about childhood repression then I highly suggest reading Alice Millers books. (see link to a free book over there on the right – For Your Own Good)  And her website

Alice Miller is a psychologist focusing in child abuse and mistreatment.

Thank you Alice for all the help you’ve given Marion and I.