Strapped in

He’s strapped into the car seat.

He’s strapped into the pusher.

He’s pushed around.

He’s left strapped in his pusher in various places whilst they do what they want to do.

Some of the day passes and he’s still strapped in his pusher.

He eats and sleeps strapped in his pusher.

For a short moment or two he’s removed from his pusher whilst his nappy is changed.

Then he’s put straight back into his pusher.

He’s left again strapped in his pusher as they carry on doing more things.

More of the day passes as he remains strapped in his pusher.

He eats more, sleeps more, cries more – still strapped in his pusher.

Then he’s taken out of his pusher and strapped back into the car seat.

Finally he’s at home, the straps come off, and he’s allowed to be free… but only for a little while.

The little babies and toddlers that come to the Fishing Park stay strapped in their pushers (or strollers) for hours at a time.

During our most crucial forming time in life, a time when we need continual affection and hands on attention and care, we’re left alone, denied it, stuck in our prams, pushers and strollers. And we grow up being told we are loved, loved by our all-caring parents. We learn that rejection, abandonment, frustration, anger and boredom is feeling loved. The straps never being entirely removed.

And so it goes on.

The next day we then strap our child back into the car seat…

Our loving families

Consider this: as we are all conceived into a negative self-denying state, we’re all full of childhood repression.

If you don’t believe or feel you have repressed childhood feelings within you, I understand, because before I started to do my feeling-healing I didn’t think I had any in me either.

Now, hands up who would say they come from a loving family? Hands up who don’t feel their family was loving? And you’d probably suspect the show of hands would be in the majority – possibly overwhelming – with most people showing they had and have a loving family. And those people would feel good about their family – right? Of course they would or they wouldn’t have put their hands up – would they?

Okay, so back to the beginning. You have repressed childhood feelings within you. You feel bad in some way, you don’t feel your life is what you want it to be, possibly you have some trauma from your early childhood you’re working on. But still you put your hand up to say you have a loving family.

But don’t you think something is wrong here? Doesn’t it seem strange that you say you have or had a loving family and yet you don’t feel good – that you are full of repressed bad childhood feelings? And that you are denying so many bad feelings all because you are afraid of the truth you might see about the relationships you had in your early life if you allowed yourself to feel them. And what is this truth you are so afraid of? What really is going on deeper within you? So let me ask you, seriously, what was or is so good about your family?

Do you see, do you get it? You CAN’T have had a good loving family experience, at least not as you want to believe it was. If you did you wouldn’t be full of childhood repression. You are living in a fantasy about your family. Your family IS THE DIRECT CAUSE AND ONLY CAUSE OF YOUR CHILDHOOD REPRESSIOIN. It, your parents, and possibly other members in your family, fucked you up. The mess you are in, why you feel so bad, is because of them – BECAUSE OF YOUR FAMILY!

So let’s have another show of hands. Who now feels they have or had a loving family? Can you feel the anguish in you? You want to say yes, but you now know it’s not what you thought it to be. It’s really a NO. But it’s a hard struggle to accept it. You don’t want to accept it. You don’t want to face the truth of it. And hey, that’s okay. Nothing bad is going to happen to you if you don’t, the bad has ALREADY happened to you – IT HAPPENED WITHIN YOUR OWN FAMILY.

We hold up and cherish the family more than any other institution. If the family fails, then it’s all over, we’re fucked, we may as well hand in our shoes and socks and piss off never to return again. What is the point if the family is bad? What can you have in life if you don’t have a sound and secure loving family, a place you can go back to when all else fails? What are you faced with when your one and only safe haven is shown up to be evil, the very horror you fear so much, the very torture chamber you grew up in?

And it is. That’s the sickening truth. The FAMILY is rotten to the core. It is the source of all your problems – all our problems. We uphold all the great family values, such as: not loving each other truly; stopping the child express itself freely; filling us full of childhood repression; believing we’d rather die for our family than say a bad word against it; pretending we feel loved when deeper within us the truth is we don’t feel loved – or not at least as how we needed to feel; ensuring it’s all not what it seems – keeping up the front and maintaining the show.

We go on protecting our parents like faithful morons, protecting the very people who’ve fucked us up. It was not their fault, we say and convince ourselves, our parents loved us and were faultless; it was our fault – the child is always to blame! We shouldn’t have behaved as badly as we did. We are to blame, we gave them too much of a hard time. We EXCUSE THEM. We excuse the family. And we go on pretending in the world we’re all one big happy family, but we’re not. The truth is we all hate each other, just as we all hated each other in our family.

But to come clean is a tough call. Who wants to smash their false loving beliefs about their family apart? Who wants to turn their back on the very EVIL ONES that have caused their childhood repression?

Yet that is what you face if you seriously want to heal all of your negative self-denial unloving state of mind and will. That’s what you’re going to have to do if you seriously want to heal all of your childhood repression.